Chromer
Chromer | |
|---|---|
 Chromer on episode 22 of Skeleton Realm LIVE! | |
| Born | Chromer Unknown Age United States |
| Occupation | Commander of Chrome force and Deputy Manager of Chrome Compliance Systems and Quality Assurance |
| Known for | Managing the compliance system ensuring chrome is consistent and compliant with the standards set forth by the Chrome Council. Saving the universe from being dominated by Hans the Dark Swok Lord. |
Chromer is a cyber sprite, Commander of Chrome Force and Deputy Manager of Chrome Compliance Systems and Quality Assurance at an unknown chrome factory. Chromer became a disembodied head and dislodged in time when a gaping timehole appeared at his workplace. The timehole spawned following The Schism brought on by the Skeleton Realm LIVE! 20 year retrospective, when 2042 Doug and Sam interfered with the episode 20 stream on September 7, 2022. Chromer is considered the Totem of The Third Split.
Chromer’s head was teleported under the desk of Skeleton Realm LIVE!, where he lived immobilized, attempting to return to his factory duties, until November 16th, 2022[1]. He has since traveled through time and space, and saved the universe from being dominated by Hans Chromen the Dark Swock Lord in the future[2].
Chromer now lives with his wife Toit, his 300 children and many grand children on Horm.[2]
Surgery Incident and Disappearance
In early November of 2022, Chromer convinced Skeleton Realm to utilize MeMoreTV’s biannual Surgery Surge Initiative and perform a body transplant via bod-rod inserts. Doug’s cousin Raymond Doenor agreed to donate his body to Chromer[1]. The one-hour operation was a success, with the new body Chromer was busting with energy and burst out of the studio. He would not be seen again until April, 2023.
Chromer's Lap
Upon leaving the studio, Chromer had started running south on I-75. The sprinting speed of Doenor's extremely athletic transplant body, paired with Chromer's chrome head, reopened another timehole. The new timehole was "much larger, and more hardcore" compared to the original hole that spawned Chromer. The hole caused Chromer to move backwards through time, during which time he took part in the rise of human civilization in reverse. After 13 billion years, Chromer witnessed the Big Bang, which destroyed Doenor's body and distributed spherical chrome fragments across space. Following the birth of the universe, Chromer began moving forward in time again, drifting through space for hundreds of millions of years.[3] Chromer's orbic fragments eventually filled the Earth's lower orbit and have prevented manned exploration of the solar system.
Horm
Chromer eventually collided with a small planet in the Gorbulation nebula called Horm. The planet was populated by a race of aliens called Hormites, who were living in a bronze age style at the time.[4] The Hormites quickly nursed Chromer back to health using their various 'goops and fluids'. During the Hormites' care of Chromer they noticed the powerful energy and healing power coming from the droplets of Chromium that had melted of off Chromer during his time in space. The Hormites began worshiping Chromer as a godhead. The droplets of Chromer's chromium would then go on to be the material used in the construction of every future SpringBall.
During his time as a worshiped entity on Horm, Chromer fell in love with a Hormite woman named 'Toit'. Chromer and Toit had 300 children together, all of whom Chromer taught the ways of ChromeTech, which included the knowledge of SpringBall Infinite Energy. The knowledge of SpringBall Infinite Energy proved to be too much for the Hormites, and they descended into global war. In a final attempt to save Chromer, Toit fired him away from Horm using a SpringBall powered launching device, sending Chromer adrift in the universe for more than ten billion years.
Return to Earth
Chromer crash landed on Earth sometime before April of 2023. He was misidentified as a crashed asteroid and immediately donated to Bishope Academy's science department. Ms. Dana implemented the asteroid into her curriculum so that it could be dissected by Doug Bleichner and Sam Wagstaff. While Phaser had left class to shit, Chromer urgently told Doug, Sam, and Dana that the reason he had actually come back in time was so that he could save the people in the future from being dominated by a dystopian chrome dictatorship. A future that Chromer described as a place where trillions in the galaxy would suffer, forced to work in chrome mines and factories, developing chrome lung while under the chrome fist of Chrome Compliance Officials and Officers who have total power. Chromer had planned on going back and killing the man who would bring about the future dystopia, Hans the Dark Swock Lord before his rise to power, but was unable to as his body had been cut off when he entered the timehole. Doenor’s body was meant to bring Chromer back to full health but instead ended up screwing him hardcore style. Chromer then went on to reveal that Hans the Dark Swock Lord had secretly possessed Phaser. It was also revealed that Paser was the one that robbed the Crawfordville Credit Union and had shifted the blame of the robbery on to Doug so that he could get the money he needed undisturbed in order to begin his rise to power.
Stopping Hans the Dark Lord
Upon Phaser’s return to the set, he confirmed his involvement with the robbery as well as his true identity as Hans the Dark Swock Lord. Since Chromer was body-less he was unable to shoot chrome balls from his anus, he was powerless to stop Hans the Dark Swock Lord and his power of the Wicker Orb. In a last attempt, Doug and Sam quickly came up with the idea to use the power of the newly released SpringBall Augmented Reality Experience by MeMoreTV, in order to stop Hans the Dark Swock Lord. With the joined power of the augmented Springball by Doug, Sam and onlooking Realmers, Hans the Dark Swock Lord was finally defeated.
After Hans the Dark Swock Lords' defeat, a brodcast from the Hormite spaceship 45551 intercepted the Skeleton Realm LIVE! livestream. In the broadcast, One of Chromer's grandsons states that he had been searching for the last ten thousand years to find him, locating him on earth from it's emination SpringBall energy, and that he would be taking Chromer back home to Horm with Chromer's wife Toit. Chromer was then beamed up and has not been heard from since.
The Honorable Judge Judge Faster, who had been a live viewer to the 50th episode of Skeleton Realm LIVE! appeared live via Zoom and cleared Doug Bleichner and Phaser of all charges relating to the robbery of the Crawfordville Credit Union.[2]
VIA Robbery
The earliest known Chromer sighting is believed to be a 1653 portrait by Bartholomeus van der Helst. In 1982, Chromer was captured on security camera breaking into the The Verchwörer Institute of Art and stealing the painting.